Obama Works on Next Appeasement Speech
Barack Obama is in the Oval Office with Bob Gibbs…
Obama: “Bob, send that Jon Favreau kid in here. I need a speech written and I also want to compliment him on the great job he did in Couples Retreat.”
Bob: “That’s another Jon Favreau sir, the actor and director. Our John is the youngest speech writer ever, remember?”
Obama: “Yes, that’s right. I’ve been so busy getting things done in my first nine months I got them confused.”
Jon enters the Oval Office and sits down across from Obama.
Jon: “You needed me sir?”
Obama: “Jon, no need to salute me. Put your right hand and arm down.”
Jon: “Yes sir.”
Obama: “Jon, I’m going to Switzerland tomorrow and I need a good speech. I want to let them know that even though we have been enemies we hold out our hand in peace.”
Jon: “I think Switzerland is a neutral country.”
Obama: “Let me be clear. We must have something to apologize to them for.”
Jon: “Hmm they did recently arrest Roman Polanski.”
Obama: “He’s not supposed to be arrested. He’s one of us. How did that happen?”
Bob: “You authorized Eric Holder to sign off on the arrest warrant.”
Obama: “Oh yes, I remember now. I’ve been so busy with the Olympics and making decisions on Afghanistan…have you seen my Nobel Prize Jon?”
Jon: “You’ve shown it to me numerous times. Quite remarkable I might add. About the speech…”
Obama: “Of course. Let’s apologize for arresting Polanski then.”
Jon: “Done and done.”
Bob: “Only seventy-three more countries on the appeasement list.”
Obama: “Who’s next?”
Bob: “Luxembourg.”
Obama: “Jon, include them too in the speech. Apologize for World War Two.”
Jon: “I think they were our allies.”
Obama: “Make no mistake. We must have done something to offend them, especially in the last eight years.”
Jon: “I’ll add a line or two about Bush’s policies.”
Obama: “Good. That should do it. One thing though Jon. Save your energy because we have a big speech to write next week.”
Jon: “China sir?”
Obama: “You bet. We have to apologize for the Dali Lama’s visit.”
Jon: “But you didn’t meet with him.”
Obama: “We let him come to America. China must be mad at us.”
Bob: “We did order the Empire State Building to use red and yellow lighting to mark the anniversary of communist China.”
Obama: “Yes but make no mistake. We owe them an apology.”
Jon: “So is that it sir? I’d like to get started on the speech.”
Obama: “You may go.”
Jon leaves the Oval Office
Obama: “Damn it!”
Bob: “What is it sir?”
Obama: “I forgot to ask him when Iron Man II is coming out.”
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Chris Cameron is a writer/columnist/beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd form of mostly non-political humor at his blog Angry Seafood.
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